Who, me?

I'm an atheist democrat (as far as I can ascribe to a political party) who believes in both the death penalty and a woman's abortion rights.

I believe in the right to bear and freaking use arms. I don't think gay people, black people, white people, Asians or any other "class" should be protected more than any other class. The exception is handicapped people. I think both the Indians and the slaves got a raw deal, but their descendants alive today have the same chances I have, so I don't owe them anything.

I think we need to do something about the illegal aliens pouring into our country, but I don't know what that is. Socialized Medicine is a good idea, I think. I have three books my desk: Webster's Dictionary, the Harbrace College Handbook and a King James Bible.

I consider myself an environmentalist and a believer in animal rights, but I like to fish and I am considering taking up hunting, but only so long as I can be ethical about it. I eat meat. I used to drive a 4 x 4 Jeep Cherokee and I would laugh at my own irony for using it to haul my glass, plastic and paper down to the recycling center. I have been known to buy a bottled water every now and again. I eat only dolphin-free tuna. I try buy organic when possible. I think first-offense poachers should, upon conviction, be imprisoned for 6 months and their hunting privileges permanently revoked. I think we need stronger environmental laws. I think the ACLU is a good thing, after all I swore to defend and protect the constitution, too.

Given that, I have a general distrust of lawyers and politicians, even though I work for one. I believe in personal freedom, but even more so believe that personal freedom comes hand-in-hand with personal responsibility and you can't have one without the other.

I believe that some cops suck, but not enough to account for the prevalence of cop-hating in this country. I wish more police would read Sir Robert Peel's rules. I believe that both Hobbs and Locke were right regarding the state of man, because every man is different. I think Lee Harvey Oswald shot JFK, but I am open-minded enough to consider real evidence and not Oliver Stone's version of it.

I think there exists life on other planets but I haven't seen any real proof that they have come here. The pyramids and statues on Easter island amaze me, but I don't think aliens had anything to do with it. That said, I like TV shows about UFO's and aliens. I'd like to think that Bigfoot exists, but I haven't seen any solid evidence.

While I am genetically a whole bunch of things, I'm culturally a white southerner, but I suffer from neither ignorant racism or liberal guilt. I think Obama was born in this country, and even if he wasn't his mother is an American, so that should be enough. I have a Barack Obama T-shirt. I also have Blackwater USA t-shirt. I wear them both without irony. I don't think Obama is a Muslim, though I am surrounded by people that do. I don't think George W. Bush had anything to do with 9/11, but I am sure as shit he used it to his political advantage. Who in his place wouldn't have?

I think the Electoral College should be abandoned for one man, one vote. I'm very pleased to have been born American, but it was luck of the draw. I could have been born in Angola, Brazil or Somalia. That said, I hate people who hate me just because I am an American, and I can be a jingoistic ass if someone says something negative about my country. I've lived in a socialist country and it was really great.

I think Elvis Presley was great. I think Elvis Costello is good. I know all the words to NWA's song "fuck tha police" and I have the Sex Pistols on my Ipod. I don't smoke. I like beer, booze, and wine more than I should. On my 40th birthday I attempted to run 40 miles but only made it about 38 before I dehydrated. I haven't ran more than 3 miles since that day. I used to bicycle competitively and when you say "winner of the Tour de France" I always think of Greg LeMond.

I'm afraid of heights, but I like flying in planes and helicopters. That said, I despise "air travel." I have a manual typewriter that I sometimes use for personal correspondence. I like letters more than e-mail. I like e-mail more than phone calls.

I stutter sometimes.

My favorite movie is "Fandango" and I've been to Marfa, Texas, but I didn't see the lights. I have 3 guitars and I have been learning to playing since I was 14. I'm not much better now and still have no sense of rhythm.

I'm in the process of getting rid of everything.

Except my dogs. We have five.

It's a start, I reckon.